Flip the switch on being angry
Could it really be that easy? It depends on your current frame of mind and self control. Doesn’t it stand to reason that if you can get angry at the drop of a hat, you should arguably be able to do the same thing with being happy? This is how I applied a simple mindset switch to live life, (mostly) anger free.
If you are easily angered by life’s littlest of frustrations, like people who are rude while using their phone, cut you off in traffic, chew too loudly or constantly tap their feet — this read should help. Maybe it's not so much people that upset you, but things like untangling headphone wires, getting stuck by back-to-back red lights, slow Internet connections or even something as simple as stubbing your toe on a table leg. It may only take one of these examples to get your temper to flair, but by the end of the day, you know you'll be boiling. When more than one of these frustrations happen, the rage continues and usually grows. There can be a point in every day where someone or something sets you off and it soon controls not only the day, but sometimes even longer. It can become so pervasive in your thought process that you actually anticipate these frustrations and subconsciously, prepare to be angry. Think about how you approach each day - are you just waiting for someone or something to upset you?
Several months ago, I came home from work after having a perfectly normal day. Somewhat surprisingly, I had not hit any of the anger triggers I might normally experience and I had made it through the entire day without being able to remember being angry about anything. In the few moments of switching from my work mindset to being at home and relaxing, I made two cursory comments. What I said was interpreted incorrectly and I was accused of just being mad. I was immediately offended and went to get my keys so I could leave and go cool down for a bit. As I was heading for the door, I stopped and thought better of it, and stayed. We argued for a solid hour and a half about my anger problem. While I continued to maintain that I did not have this issue, I was being told that not only did I have an anger problem, but that I might need real help. At some point, late in the discussion, I had a moment of clarity and blurted out, “Fine, I just won't be angry anymore.” My wife immediately responded, “Don't be like that.” She naturally thought I was saying it to be sarcastic. How can I blame her, given that was my normal tone and also my style of humor. It took a couple of minutes to convince her, but she eventually realized that I was being serious. Why it happened on this day and in this particular moment, I have no idea, but what I do know, is that it has been nothing short of transformational.
When I said that I wasn't going to be angry anymore, it wasn't because I truly thought I had a real anger problem (even though I did — can you relate?) It was the perception by others that I had an anger problem that really bothered me. It got me thinking about how people see me and the persona that I project. Excluding ourselves, we can all probably think of a person or two that always seem to be brooding or angry about something. Anger has become so common place that regular conversations with friends and coworkers frequently involves venting in some manner. Not only are these conversations negative, they feed the anger narrative. As I continued to dwell on this thought, it became more and more clear that all of this came from a mindset of choosing to be angry. Whether you were doing it consciously or subconsciously, being angry is a choice, and if it is a choice, can't we just choose not to be angry?
I decided to make that choice and it has been very eye-opening as to how often I was getting angry. Over the first few weeks, I shared the story with some of my closest friends and as I shared it, they all reacted similarly to my wife. They laughed and made jokes thinking I was just being my usual sarcastic self. I actually chuckled with them at the skepticism I received. As I continued to tell them about my new path, they began to realize that not only was I serious, but that I wasn't going back to being how I was, ever again. My days are quite different now and I can happily say that there have been very few times when I have gotten truly angry. When I do get to that point, it is brief. Certainly there are things that happen that you should get angry about. It's how you handle those things in the moment and whether or not you dwell on them afterward.
The truth about anger is that it can feel strangely empowering, satisfying and it can even give a sense of fulfillment. And while those can all be tremendously strong feelings, they are not the feelings you want to get from anger. Anger can get especially amplified when you feel you are in the right. When this happens, your brain makes you feel justified in being angry. The energy that comes from feeling justified can almost seem euphoric at times. Since most of daily life is relatively stress-free, being angry can be one of the most intense moments of focus you experience with any regularity. Unfortunately it is not good for you, or those around you.
Let me conclude by saying that there's a time and place for getting upset and angry. What this article is trying to get you to consider, is the switch from a pervasively negative mindset, dwelling on anger, to a mindset of happiness and positivity. It is that simple, but you have to have the discipline and mental willpower to break the cycle. You have to WANT to change. I've heard so many times from so many different sources that we need to be the change we seek. One small way you can start this change is to go about each day with a mantra of thinking positive thoughts and thinking positively about others!
Making a conscious decision to flip the switch on being angry worked for me. Maintaining a positive mindset is challenging, but people do notice — be persistent. Feel free to share ideas or actions that you have taken or maybe habits you've changed in your life that have been successful in reducing your frequency of getting angry. From the TV news, to the Internet and even on the radio, we are surrounded by negativism. Your success stories may help others find their way to being less angry!
